Totally Chris 'N' Lena!
by 1000GreenSun
Summary: Chris, the sadistic, manipulative, obnoxious and slightly sarcastic host and Lena, everyone’s favorite tree hugger surprisingly make a cute couple. Join Chris and Lena in the collection of oneshots. Fun, funnies, but most of all... Love! Chris/OC
1. The Wheel of Torture

**T****itle:** Totally Chris and Lena

**Rating:** K+ for now

**Pairings:** Chris/OC and hints of other canon pairings

**Summary:** Chris, the sadistic, manipulative, obnoxious and slightly sarcastic host and Lena, everyone's favorite tree hugger surprisingly make a cute couple. Join Chris and Lena in the collection of oneshots that have nothing to do with each other.

**Disclaimer:** PLFT! Think I own TDI? I think you oughta get your head checked. I do own Lena though!

**Author's Note:** Lena is my OC, who's head over heels in love with Chris. I manip'd a Gwen pic to make it look like Lena, enjoy! .com/art/Lena-Greene-TDI-OC-104701180

Before each chappie, I'll let you know the continuity and the timing of each oneshot. This one takes place right after my other Chris/Lena fic, A Walk In the Forest.

Enjoy!

--

"What's that?" Courtney pointed to a carving in a tree.

"What?" Duncan asked.

"You didn't carve our initials in another tree, did you?" Courtney rolled her eyes. She looked at the tree. "Okay..."

"What's it say, Princess?" Duncan jogged over to her. He looked at the tree and laughed.

"What? What's so funny?" Courtney demanded.

"N-N-Nothing!" Duncan wiped the tear forming in his eye. He looked at Courtney's angry expression. "Okay, chill!" he put his hands up in surrender.

"What's so funny about the tree hugger proclaiming her love for Chris? I think it's sort of cute," Courtney shrugged.

"Like nature girl would 'deface the forest'," Duncan looked at Courtney.

"It could be a practical joke," Courtney said.

"Doubt it," Duncan answered.

"You mean…" Courtney started. She grimaced.

"Yup," Duncan answered. He looked at the tall pine, which read _Chris and Lena 4Ever_ and laughed even harder.

--

"Good morning Chris," Lena welcomed him, and then turned back to flipping pancakes on the stove. Chris drowsily walked down the stairs and took a seat in the kitchen.

"Morning," he mumbled.

"Nice PJs," Lena giggled as she brought over their breakfast. Chris looked down at his light blue fleece pajama pants littered with illustrations of himself.

"Thanks," Chris smiled his million watt smile at her, making Lena blush.

"So," Lena started to eat her pancake. "What horrible challenge do you have planned for us today?"

"Can't tell you," Chris grunted. He continued to eat.

"Aww," Lena pouted. "Please?"

"You'll find out soon enough," Chris told her. He heartily finished his meal. "Where'd you learn to cook?"

"I read the instructions on the back of the box," Lena shrugged. She looked at the time and got up.

"I should probably go now," Lena picked up her stuff, gave a quick peck to Chris and left.

--

"Campers! Report to the Dock of Shame in T-Minus thirty minutes!" Chris's loud voice rang throughout the camp.

Later than sooner, the dock was full of discontented campers. The Killer Bass stood one side and the Screaming Gophers lined the other.

"Campers," Chris cleared his throat and used his megaphone. "As you may or may not know, last time no one was eliminated. This time, there has to be a double elimination. All I can say is that you don't wanna be on the losing team today. Okay. CHALLENGE TIME!"

Chris walked over to a giant spinning wheel that was embellished with brightly colored flashy lights and bright colors.

"It's simple. Spin the Wheel of Torture and you must do whatever it lands on. The team that completes and/or survives the most wins," Chris spun the wheel. After some time it landed on a yellow fraction. It read _Eat this banana crème pie._ "Yum!" Chris grabbed some pie and started to munch on it.

"Bass first," he said with his mouth full.

"Easy," Duncan scoffed.

"Fun," Lena mumbled.

"I'll go first," Bridgette volunteered, raising her hand. She walked over to the wheel and mustered some strength to turn it. It landed on _Clean the communal washrooms_. Bridgette cringed. "Seriously?"

"Seriously?" Chris tossed her a plunger and she walked off. He rubbed his hands together. "Who wants to go next?"

"I'll go!" Geoff walked up to the wheel and did the same as the blonde before him. His landed on _Spend an hour caged in with two rabid wooly beavers_. "That's cool," Geoff walked into the cage near by and Chris locked the door. The beavers attacked him and Geoff started to violently pound on the door. "Lemme out!! Lemme out!!"

"Geoff, we have to win! You can do it!!" Courtney yelled at him.

"Courtney, since you're so energetic about this, why don't you take a spin?" Chris suggested. She grumbled and lightly spun the wheel, barely making it move. It landed on _Peel a potato with your toes_

"Ha! You're kidding right?" Courtney scoffed.

"No, it's harder than it looks," Chris tossed her potato. Harold stepped up to the plate. He ended up having to run a mile around the island, backwards. DJ had to sit through four hours of informative television and Duncan ended up being slapped in the face with an automated chicken.

"My toes are cramping!" Courtney cried as she continued to the peel the potato.

"Last for the Bass, Lena," Chris ignored Courtney and gave a supportive smile to Lena. Lena walked up to the wheel and gave it a meek turn.

"_Reveal your deepest, darkest, secret to the whole world,_" Chris read aloud. "Wow. Rough."

"Do I have to?" Lena looked at her team.

"We went through with ours, you better not-" Courtney cringed as her toes turned red.

"Fine," Lena mumbled something incoherently.

"What was that?" Chris put a hand to his ear. Lena's eyes widened and she sent him 'are you CRAZY?!?!' glare.

"I said that like you, Chris," Lena said, gritting her teeth. She doesn't get angered easily, so an irascible Lena was a profound sight.

"Really?" Chris mused.

"Yes, really," Lena calmed down. Lena walked closer Chris, as he did the same and soon the two were enlaced in a passionate make-out session.

"Told ya," Duncan whispered to Courtney.

---

Needless to say, the Bass won and skipped out on the double elimination! :D

Stay tuned for more! Also, feel free to suggest ideas for oneshots, because my brain juices aren't really flowing…

Please review!


	2. Lena Gets Chris to Protest

Disclaimer- If I owned TDI, Lena and Chris would've already hooked up in the show. I don't own anything but Lena.

Author's Note: This one takes place a little after the first one. Sorta pointless…

---

"Chris!" Lena barged into his cabin. "HELLO?"

"Yeah, dudette?" Chris called out from the patio. Lena walked onto the deck and saw Chris sprawled on a chaise, gazing at his reflection in a hand mirror.

"You're…" Lena giggled.

"Okay, I'm done, for now at least," Chris put his mirror down and sat up.

"Chris, I need some help," Lena started.

"What makes you so sure I'm gonna help you?" Chris stroked his fabulous hair.

"But we're-" Chris interrupted her.

"I never said I didn't like the hugs and kisses, but I'd rather admire myself than… help," Chris explained.

"Okay, well this is gonna be killer fun, promise," Lena said with a glint in her eyes.

"Go on…" Chris looked at her.

"Let's go protesting!!" Lena exclaimed happily. Chris looked deflated.

"Are you kidding?" Chris said noisily.

"… Why would I be kidding?" Lena said calmly. "Come on, haven't you always wanted to pick up some giant posters and bother the heck outta major corporations?"

"Yeah, that's my life long dream," Chris said sarcastically. He picked up some papers next to him, but turned back to Lena. "The network wants you to disclose more info about your criminal record, by the way. Which I didn't even know you had…" Chris said uncomfortably.

"Oh chill," Lena rolled her eyes. "The police just hate me because I rally protests and stuff. I get arrested just about every time," Lena said innocently.

"Another reason not to protest," Chris mumbled.

"Live a little," Lena pleaded.

"I torture unsuspecting campers for a living. I live alright," Chris replied.

"Don't protest for fun then, protest for me," Lena laid her arm on his. "Just imagine how many people will start standing up for the wooly beavers when they find out Chris Maclean stands up for them too!" Lena said hopfully.

"Beavers? NO WAY! Those mongrels made me get rabies shots last episode!" Chris cried.

"But they're so cute!" Lena gushed.

"Uh huh," Chris narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her. He reached under his chaise lounge and pulled out an aerosol can of hairspray.

"What. Is. That?" Lena glared down the bottle of hairspray.

"Hairspray?" Chris raised an eyebrow. He continued to spray his hair.

"It's thing like that that dissolve our ozone layer and add to pollution! You should be ashamed!" Lena spat.

"Whoa… What happened to calm you? You can forget about me forsaking this stuff. I mean, come on, look at the hair!"

Lena sighed she mumbled something about After TDI, Protesting and Al Gore. A jealous expression flickered on Chris's face when she said Al Gore.

"What's Al Gore got that I don't?" Chris whined.

"A passion for conserving the environment?" Lena answered rhetorically.

"Um… Hello, hair?" Chris motioned to his awesome hair. Lena rolled her eyes. Sure she loves Chris, but some times he was a little too ego-maniacal.

"Chris, how did we end up together?"

"Not sure," Chris shrugged.

"I mean, you're sadistic and sarcastic and kinda arrogant," Lena started. "But in a good way," she quickly added.

"Yeah," Chris said, almost nostalgically.

"And I'm, well, what do you think about me?" Lena asked Chris.

"Do I have to answer that?" Chris flossed his pearly whites. Lena gave him 'the look'. "Okay… Lemme think…"

"Is it that hard?" Lena asked incredulously.

"You like whales and you're nice and you smile?" Chris said unsurely. He tossed the piece of floss over the edge of the patio because he was done with it.

"LITTERER!" Lena yelled as she dived over the railing.

"Ok-ay," Chris said slowly. Lena climbed back up, holding the floss proudly. "I got it!"

"…"

"Wanna protest _now_?" Lena asked him.

"There's nothing to protest for around here, not that I do…"

"You've got a plane," Lena raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Can we get back to why you like me?" Chris changed the subject.

"Fine," Lena crossed her arms. "I see how it is. Be that way."

"That's not gonna work on me, dudette," Chris told her. Lena sighed.

"What could make me get you to spend some quality time with me?" Lena asked him.

"Quality time?" Chris perked up at the mention. "Anything!"

"I meant like- Never mind," Lena bit her lip. She leaned down to kiss Chris, but barely grazed her lips to his.

"Now?" she whispered huskily.

"No thanks," Chris kicked back. Lena ran a hand down his chest and arms. She leaned to Chris again, using the same strategy.

"Now?"

"Aww," Chris whined. Her attention was diverted and he kissed Lena quickly. "I've got to go torture some campers and talk to some interns into doing life threatening stunts. I'll see you later," and with that, Chris left.

--

Anti-Climactic much? The first one had no plot and basically sucked, but I think this one's a little better. Maybe I'll be able to write better tomorrow…

Next up is a FutureFic, 10 years after TDI! Stay tuned!

Don't forget to review! Taking a few seconds to do that always makes my day. :D


	3. Can I Ask You a Question?

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Author's Note: This one's just random drabbles. I'm still workin' on the FutureFic

--

"Chris?" Lena asked as she laid her head on his shoulder. "Am I an obsessive fangirl to you?"

"Can I not answer that?" Chris responded.

--

"I still can't believe you're a criminal," Chris said incredulously.

"Eh," Lena shrugged.

_Flashback_

"_Fine!" Lena yelled as she was thrown in a filthy jail cell. It was empty but she must have had a roommate due to the furnishings of the cell. Lena took in a deep breath and sat on the lower bunk and began to meditate. _

"_HELLO? CRAZY-" the young delinquent stopped when Lena opened her eyes._

"_Yes?" she asked calmly._

"…"

"_I'm Lena," Lena smiled at him._

"_Duncan," he said suspiciously. A guard walked by their cell. "Um, hello? There's a chick in my space. Shouldn't she be in the-" _

_The guard just laughed. "She's far too dangerous to be in the ladies section," he walked away. _

"_Uh," Duncan backed away slowly._

_End of Flashback_

"Good times," Lena smiled.

"Yeah," Chris said with a flat face.

--

"Lena, why are you afraid of strawberry milk?"

"AHH!" Lena ran and hid in the corner. "Don't. Say._ It_."

"…"

"I was never the same after _it._"

"Okay then," Chris said slowly.

--

Lena was reading an insider magazine printed on organic and recycled paper. It wasn't that she was actually interested in the garbage they had printed, but it was organic and environmentally friendly. She continued to read the magazine until-

"OH MY GOD, YOU'VE HAD FOUR WIVES!?!?!" Lena screamed as she sat up.

"My ears," Chris squeaked.

"YOU'VE HAD FOUR FRICKIN' WIVES???" Lena asked, jealousy burning in her eyes.

"They were all crazy," Chris grinned at his reflection in the mirror.

"W-Why didn't you tell me before?" Lena's lip quivered.

"You never asked," Chris shrugged.

--

"What kind of car do you drive? A Prius? A Honda Fit?" Lena asked.

"Um, yeah," Chris said unconvincingly.

"Come on, I wanna know!"

"Well, take a look at this," Chris said proudly as he pulled out some pictures from his wallet.

"8 MPG?" Lena asked shakily.

"450 Horsepower, 0-60 in 4 seconds-" Chris stopped when he saw Lena on the floor, unconscious.

--

"Lena, what's your favorite color?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, I wanna know."

"Yellow."

"Seriously?"

"I'm not Lena Yellowe, now am I?"

"So, green?"

"No, I really do like yellow. What about you?"

"My favorite color is red. The color of blood and pain and suffering."

"…"

"What?"

"That's sorta predictable."

--

Okay, the FutureFic is… next!! Please review.


	4. 10 Years From Now

**Disclaimer:** Nope. Don't own it.

**Author's Note:** 'Bout ten years in the future... Enjoy.

--

"Mommy!" a little girl, no older than five ran into a woman's arms. The little girl had a head full of straight black hair and big black eyes. She wore an organic green tee-shirt that said 'Green Is the New Black' and a pair of jeans. The slender, brunette, green-eyed woman that was currently holding her had a green floral tunic on organic cotton khaki pants.

"Flora," the woman, Lena Maclean hugged her daughter. "How was your day at school?" she asked as she let the girl down.

"It was fun," Flora answered, holding her mother's hand as they walked along the sidewalk. "Did you know that bananas can't propagate by themselves and need the help of humans, to… I wouldn't say, pollinate… They just can't reproduce by themselves."

"That's interesting," Lena said sweetly as they continued to walk home.

"Are we going to that protest today, Mommy?"

"We are," Lena smiled. "I'm excited. I think that a lot of people are coming!"

"That's awesome!" Flora exclaimed. The two energetic environmentalists were flashed dirty looks from many people that passed by. Flora's eyes went downcast.

"What happened, sweetie?"

"I just- never mind," Flora shook it off. "Mommy, everyone at school says we're poor and that Fauna's not my sister…"

"Poor? Really?" Lena asked as they approached the mansion that they lived in. It was glass, which allowed passive solar heating and there were countless solar panels on the roof, allowing the house to be fully run on solar energy. "Don't worry. I'm pretty sure Fauna's related to you."

Lena opened the front door and led Flora inside.

"What took you?" another little girl, who looked identical Flora, save her brunette hair and green eyes, asked. She had a purple, 'Daddy's Little Girl' shirt on.

"Where's Dad, Fauna?" Lena asked the other little girl.

"Think he's on the phone," Fauna shrugged. "Did you hear that they're doing that show again? Total Llama Island or something…"

Lena involuntarily smiled at the mention of TDI. That's where she met her husband. While they only had a light relationship that was broken off as soon as the season finished, they ran into each other again. Chris had just divorced another crazy and soon the two had hit it off. They dated for a while, longer than Lena had expected and soon they got married. Children, which Chris was against until he actually saw them, followed their happy marriage.

While they disagreed on nearly everything, they both loved each other to put enough effort and make compromises. A lot.

Chris's walking into the foyer, distracted Lena from her thoughts. Over the years, he had aged well. His hair remained his best feature, but the rest wasn't so bad either.

"Hey, kiddos," Flora and Fauna both ran up to him as he engulfed the twin girls in a hug.

"When are we going to those auditions, Daddy?" Fauna asked him.

"I thought you were coming protesting with us," Flora countered.

"Uh…" Chris started.

"Why don't you girls go off and play for some time?" Lena suggested.

"Okay!" they ran off.

"Total Drama Island?" Lena asked, smiling.

"You bet," Chris grinned. "I'm looking at a 'Next Gen' thing."

"And do what? Torture little kids?" Lena shook her head. "Why don't you come protesting with me and the girls?"

"Fauna actually wanted to- AAH!!" Chris fell off of the armchair arm that he was sitting on as a beabbit crawled onto his shoulder.

"Chris," Lena sighed. "It's not going to eat- Well, never mind," Lena picked up the beabbit.

"Why do we even have these f&%#ing beavers in the house!?!" Chris yelled.

"Hello? The kids can hear you," Lena reminded. "And they're just as much beaver as they are rabbit."

"Sorry," Chris mumbled, pouting. Lena kissed him and Chris perked up again.

"So… protesting?"

"I don't know…"

"Come on, I'll make it worth your while," Lena said suggestively.

"Well…" Chris said, thinking. "No."

"Why not?"

"I like not being a wanted criminal, babe," Chris put his hands on top of hers.

"They're blowing up the factory. Don't you just love things like that?"

"Eh," Chris shrugged. He grinned. "Did you see me on the top of 'Rich N Sexy's Top Bachelors of the Year' list?"

"You're married…" Lena commented.

"I don't think they account for that, for me at least," Chris noted. "I've been married so many times…"

"But those have broken off in less than a year! And we've been married for, for six years! And I'm not crazy like the rest of your exes!" Lena said, jealously pouring in her voice.

"…. Yeah," Chris agreed with her.

"So, what're you gonna do when we're out?"

"I think I'll just watch television or count my money or stare at myself in the mirror," Chris answered.

"Why is it always so hard to get you to do this?"

"Because I don't really want to," Chris answered. He gingerly kissed Lena. "Sorry."

"I bet," Lena feigned anger. "If you aren't coming then…"

She walked towards the children's playroom where Flora was drawing on recycled posterboard for the protests and Fauna was mixing water with potassium, causing violent explosions.

"Having fun, are you?" Lena asked Fauna, who nodded vigorously. "Okay, girls, let's go."

"Have fun," Chris kissed her again before going back to his phone.

--

Not too much purpose, but it's a drabble. Please review.


End file.
